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	Testimony Of Chris Moynihan My testimony begins very early in my life. It may even prove controversial to some, but to make sense of things later, I will begin with what I remember in the Lord. I remember the separation that occured at birth, (the dividing, if you would) as a result of being in this flesh. I remember how afraid and sad I was. I also remember how desperately I tried to maintain the link with the Lord. I remember the Lord assuring me it was necessary. This communication slowly faded as I began to focus on my surroundings. This may sound very bizarre but it was like an unlearning I had to go through, to get to this point. By the time I could really see with these eyes, that bond had seemed to completely leave my mind. For some reason I clearly remember all of that, but almost no other points of my infancy. As time rolled on by, I remember being reminded to remember the Lord. I would ask him for rain and it would rain. I would ask him to make it stop and it would. One day I remember getting corrected for it, because I asked it too much. I remember asking my dad why he didn't ask God for money if we didn't have enough to get some candy, he smiled and said that God had bigger things to deal with. So I told him about the rain and he looked at me strangely and said "that's very nice, just don't tell everyone that." Later he got angry when the subject came up again. His words (in a nut shell) were that it’s not good to lie. Ironically, the last time I prayed ( with that same kind of faith) for rain, El Paso Texas had seen record breaking rains that lasted nearly two months. It even was termed a" two hundred year storm." I prayed for the rain to help another brother in the Lord (whom I care a great deal for) get back on his faith feet, and God willing, Amen. On with the testimony. Time passed on and I was further and further along in worldly affairs. I began experimenting with terrible things. I believe without a doubt that there were several demonic influences in my life at this point. I say that because I had unnatural (in fact exceedingly so for my age) urges and desires. At age six and seven I began to dabble in things and fully understood how they worked to the extent that I was having full blown S&M fantasies. Of course my shame was equal to the same extent of my sickness. By this point I had put God far from my mind, because of my shame and , in my opinion at that time, unstoppable, unforgivable lusts and desires. I guess you can say I snow plowed through life at this point. All the while being a puppet to all the will of my flesh and demonic attacks. Worse thing was I didn't even fit in with even the evil-doers. They all thought I would go too far. To me I thought "well, lets not talk, lets do!" To them I guess talking was one thing, doing was another. Quite frankly, I was utterly disgusted with myself. Here I was, this ball of ugliness, like an uncontrollable animal. My very will was against me, and I (in my mind) couldn't call on God because he must hate my guts. If he didn't hate my guts (this was my reasoning), I would be able to control this like all the other good people around me. Lets top that with a nice dose of "over sensitivity" to make things complete. Say anything critical to me and I would be devastated for months, if not years! A sudden awareness of mortality and a great sense of loss entered into my life when my biological father decided things just weren't working for him here so he decided to end his life. I guess I'm beginning to go all over the place, but that is exactly what my childhood was like to me. It was ugly and just got worse. Insecurity, shame, great fear, and much, much more began to wear me down to the point of hopelessness. I could not trust anyone because they would turn against me, to one extent or another in my mind. Now I was really alone. I won’t get into all the detail as I don't wish to glorify certain attitudes, which relieved some of the pressures, albeit falsely, but at that time at least it was something. Let’s just say that no one gave me direct confrontation anymore. Well, occasionally, but then it would go back to not at all shortly after. Not satisfied with all my society given labels "psycho, murderous, thieving, pervert" I decided to add one more that might win the respect of my peers, at least so they would stay at a distance from me. "Drug dealer!" woot woot! Now I will be all set I thought. After all, when my reputation wore off and folks would see that I was not the person my labels made me out to be,( well except the pervert part) ... they would still have to respect me, because I have what they want. Perfect! Now I'm set, I thought! But sadly, even that would not last because I had to behave like a wolf, which was the very opposite of how I wanted to be (as a person.) Time went on and I continued dealing and playing the psycho role to keep the wolves at bay. Very sad times, truly unmentionable. I was ready to die, for real. My parents were into speaking out against corruption in the government. As you would imagine, some really weird people were coming out of the woodwork and hanging around them. Generally, I had greatly disliked these people. I believed they were doing their best to squander my parents resources, and, ultimately, my inheritance. So, as you could imagine, I did my best to create issues, cause friction, and any other thing I thought appropriate! For the most part though I stayed away from my parents for fear that they would get labeled as being "involved" with me and my operations. In addition, I resented the heck out of my step dad for being the replacement of my biological dad. His efforts were sincere, but I'm afraid it was a losing battle at that point. However, he was tolerable in that he provided well for my mother and brothers and some how managed not to shoot me when I lived there. One day (I believe it was Thanksgiving) there was this guy named Steve at my parent’s house. I’d heard my brothers speak of him and that he was a Christian. OH, BROTHER I thought! Now my money is gone for SURE! AHH! Anyway, here he was right here in the house that was going to mine! And it’s Thanksgiving! Wow, talk about overtime, I thought! Of course, Steve was pleasant and introduced himself. Oddly enough something about him made me afraid. I decided that if I was rude to him and put offish maybe my parents would get a bad "vibe" out of him and he would take off inevitably. I asked him "don't you have a family or someone to go to?" Steve was not moved by this, not a flinch! I began to get even more nervous at this point. Steve said to my first smart mouthed comment "I do have family but your folks invited me here for Thanksgiving, and it is their house after all. So here I am!! WHAT I thought! This wimpy Christian guy actually smarted off to me!· Well he isn't exactly small I thought, maybe he's just trying to punk me down, hoping I don't actually do something. So, of course, I couldn't just let that be so I said "Well, if you’re Christian cool, just don't spill it all over me, ok?” Steve said" I haven't. It's not about you, I'm here for your parents!" The debate went on and every time he finished I was left undeniably wrong ... lest I lie, which of course I did! He couldn't get the best of me I thought. But he was AHH! Needless to say he was the only MAN Christian I had ever met at that point. I respected that. At a later point, I called my brothers and found out they had became Christians. My brothers opinions, I admired, so I thought "what the hey, maybe I'll sit at one of those bible studies, just to please them and my brothers." Besides (I thought) I love to hear how perfect everyone thought they were, and I would really like to actually sit there while they tried to show it. What a surprise I was in for! Not only were people being honest about their short comings but they also disclosed that the Lord came to save people who had these issues. Quite opposite of what I've seen with church folks in my past, or at least what my perception of them was. Hey! I thought. Maybe I got a shot at this. Then that thought snuffed because I remembered all too clearly how many times I've tried with sincere earnest to do things right and would just fail (faint biblically). Besides, the Lord could forgive someone for swearing and being a drug addict and so on, but forgive me the awful things I've done ... come on! Give me a break! That's too easy. Man, there is absolutely zero good in my mind, save the perpetual condemnation that normal people would refer to as a "conscious" and it was that "conscious" that I disliked a great deal! So I liked evil and hated good and God will forgive me for all this ... yea right, I thought. In a short period of time these folks will be sick of me when they realize just how awful I am, lets not waste any more time on it, I thought. Besides, I have some serious issues to attend to like hitting the guy who owed me $350.00 on a second hand debt with a bat, and, in addition, how was I going to explain it to my girlfriend, now wife, seeing as he is her cousin. The bible study then turned over to discuss the separation of our soul from the Lords spirit at birth. Oh my God! In that instant I remembered my infancy and my experiences! Like a flood it hit me and I felt like dying considering what I had turned out to be, with the things I've done, and all the promises I made to God and could not hold true to any of them. What an utter wretch I had become. I don't think in my lifetime I have ever allowed myself to gather in how completely wicked I was, but I assure you it happened! You would think I would be overjoyed to find that there was salvation. But the devil had quite a grip on me, and instead I spent a lot of time trying to prove that I was an exception to God’s grace. Thank God for real brothers and sisters in the Lord who hung in there with me. The day came when the spirit of God gave me exactly the words to pray with for hope. I wept greatly and asked the Lord to forgive me, and never let me go. I said "you know me, you know how I self destruct, how pitiful I've become, Lord help me be the little boy I was. How beautiful those days were, no thinking, figuring, silly antics and acts, just you ... and me. Lord work against my wicked will in spite of the evil that is there. Please bring me out of this world. No matter what, save me from me!” I am still a little wacky, but I have hope. I hold on to that prayer and the grace God has given me and he holds true to his end of the bargain, he he! Wonderful thing is that I am free now to be that boy. God Bless You, Christopher T. Moynihan
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Testimony Of Chris Moynihan

My testimony begins very early in my life. It may even prove controversial to some, but to make sense of things later, I will begin with what I remember in the Lord.

I remember the separation that occured at birth, (the dividing, if you would) as a result of being in this flesh. I remember how afraid and sad I was. I also remember how desperately I tried to maintain the link with the Lord. I remember the Lord assuring me it was necessary. This communication slowly faded as I began to focus on my surroundings. This may sound very bizarre but it was like an unlearning I had to go through, to get to this point. By the time I could really see with these eyes, that bond had seemed to completely leave my mind. For some reason I clearly remember all of that, but almost no other points of my infancy. As time rolled on by, I remember being reminded to remember the Lord. I would ask him for rain and it would rain. I would ask him to make it stop and it would. One day I remember getting corrected for it, because I asked it too much. I remember asking my dad why he didn't ask God for money if we didn't have enough to get some candy, he smiled and said that God had bigger things to deal with. So I told him about the rain and he looked at me strangely and said "that's very nice, just don't tell everyone that." Later he got angry when the subject came up again. His words (in a nut shell) were that it’s not good to lie. Ironically, the last time I prayed ( with that same kind of faith) for rain, El Paso Texas had seen record breaking rains that lasted nearly two months. It even was termed a" two hundred year storm." I prayed for the rain to help another brother in the Lord (whom I care a great deal for) get back on his faith feet, and God willing, Amen.

On with the testimony. Time passed on and I was further and further along in worldly affairs. I began experimenting with terrible things. I believe without a doubt that there were several demonic influences in my life at this point. I say that because I had unnatural (in fact exceedingly so for my age) urges and desires. At age six and seven I began to dabble in things and fully understood how they worked to the extent that I was having full blown S&M fantasies. Of course my shame was equal to the same extent of my sickness. By this point I had put God far from my mind, because of my shame and , in my opinion at that time, unstoppable, unforgivable lusts and desires. I guess you can say I snow plowed through life at this point. All the while being a puppet to all the will of my flesh and demonic attacks. Worse thing was I didn't even fit in with even the evil-doers. They all thought I would go too far. To me I thought "well, lets not talk, lets do!" To them I guess talking was one thing, doing was another. Quite frankly, I was utterly disgusted with myself. Here I was, this ball of ugliness, like an uncontrollable animal. My very will was against me, and I (in my mind) couldn't call on God because he must hate my guts. If he didn't hate my guts (this was my reasoning), I would be able to control this like all the other good people around me. Lets top that with a nice dose of "over sensitivity" to make things complete. Say anything critical to me and I would be devastated for months, if not years! A sudden awareness of mortality and a great sense of loss entered into my life when my biological father decided things just weren't working for him here so he decided to end his life. I guess I'm beginning to go all over the place, but that is exactly what my childhood was like to me. It was ugly and just got worse. Insecurity, shame, great fear, and much, much more began to wear me down to the point of hopelessness. I could not trust anyone because they would turn against me, to one extent or another in my mind. Now I was really alone. I won’t get into all the detail as I don't wish to glorify certain attitudes, which relieved some of the pressures, albeit falsely, but at that time at least it was something. Let’s just say that no one gave me direct confrontation anymore. Well, occasionally, but then it would go back to not at all shortly after. Not satisfied with all my society given labels "psycho, murderous, thieving, pervert" I decided to add one more that might win the respect of my peers, at least so they would stay at a distance from me. "Drug dealer!" woot woot! Now I will be all set I thought. After all, when my reputation wore off and folks would see that I was not the person my labels made me out to be,( well except the pervert part) ... they would still have to respect me, because I have what they want. Perfect! Now I'm set, I thought! But sadly, even that would not last because I had to behave like a wolf, which was the very opposite of how I wanted to be (as a person.) Time went on and I continued dealing and playing the psycho role to keep the wolves at bay. Very sad times, truly unmentionable. I was ready to die, for real.

My parents were into speaking out against corruption in the government. As you would imagine, some really weird people were coming out of the woodwork and hanging around them. Generally, I had greatly disliked these people. I believed they were doing their best to squander my parents resources, and, ultimately, my inheritance. So, as you could imagine, I did my best to create issues, cause friction, and any other thing I thought appropriate! For the most part though I stayed away from my parents for fear that they would get labeled as being "involved" with me and my operations. In addition, I resented the heck out of my step dad for being the replacement of my biological dad. His efforts were sincere, but I'm afraid it was a losing battle at that point. However, he was tolerable in that he provided well for my mother and brothers and some how managed not to shoot me when I lived there. One day (I believe it was Thanksgiving) there was this guy named Steve at my parent’s house. I’d heard my brothers speak of him and that he was a Christian. OH, BROTHER I thought! Now my money is gone for SURE! AHH! Anyway, here he was right here in the house that was going to mine! And it’s Thanksgiving! Wow, talk about overtime, I thought! Of course, Steve was pleasant and introduced himself. Oddly enough something about him made me afraid. I decided that if I was rude to him and put offish maybe my parents would get a bad "vibe" out of him and he would take off inevitably. I asked him "don't you have a family or someone to go to?" Steve was not moved by this, not a flinch! I began to get even more nervous at this point. Steve said to my first smart mouthed comment "I do have family but your folks invited me here for Thanksgiving, and it is their house after all. So here I am!! WHAT I thought! This wimpy Christian guy actually smarted off to me!· Well he isn't exactly small I thought, maybe he's just trying to punk me down, hoping I don't actually do something. So, of course, I couldn't just let that be so I said "Well, if you’re Christian cool, just don't spill it all over me, ok?” Steve said" I haven't. It's not about you, I'm here for your parents!" The debate went on and every time he finished I was left undeniably wrong ... lest I lie, which of course I did! He couldn't get the best of me I thought. But he was AHH! Needless to say he was the only MAN Christian I had ever met at that point. I respected that. At a later point, I called my brothers and found out they had became Christians. My brothers opinions, I admired, so I thought "what the hey, maybe I'll sit at one of those bible studies, just to please them and my brothers." Besides (I thought) I love to hear how perfect everyone thought they were, and I would really like to actually sit there while they tried to show it. What a surprise I was in for! Not only were people being honest about their short comings but they also disclosed that the Lord came to save people who had these issues. Quite opposite of what I've seen with church folks in my past, or at least what my perception of them was. Hey! I thought. Maybe I got a shot at this. Then that thought snuffed because I remembered all too clearly how many times I've tried with sincere earnest to do things right and would just fail (faint biblically). Besides, the Lord could forgive someone for swearing and being a drug addict and so on, but forgive me the awful things I've done ... come on! Give me a break! That's too easy.

Man, there is absolutely zero good in my mind, save the perpetual condemnation that normal people would refer to as a "conscious" and it was that "conscious" that I disliked a great deal! So I liked evil and hated good and God will forgive me for all this ... yea right, I thought. In a short period of time these folks will be sick of me when they realize just how awful I am, lets not waste any more time on it, I thought. Besides, I have some serious issues to attend to like hitting the guy who owed me $350.00 on a second hand debt with a bat, and, in addition, how was I going to explain it to my girlfriend, now wife, seeing as he is her cousin. The bible study then turned over to discuss the separation of our soul from the Lords spirit at birth. Oh my God! In that instant I remembered my infancy and my experiences! Like a flood it hit me and I felt like dying considering what I had turned out to be, with the things I've done, and all the promises I made to God and could not hold true to any of them. What an utter wretch I had become. I don't think in my lifetime I have ever allowed myself to gather in how completely wicked I was, but I assure you it happened! You would think I would be overjoyed to find that there was salvation. But the devil had quite a grip on me, and instead I spent a lot of time trying to prove that I was an exception to God’s grace. Thank God for real brothers and sisters in the Lord who hung in there with me. The day came when the spirit of God gave me exactly the words to pray with for hope. I wept greatly and asked the Lord to forgive me, and never let me go. I said "you know me, you know how I self destruct, how pitiful I've become, Lord help me be the little boy I was. How beautiful those days were, no thinking, figuring, silly antics and acts, just you ... and me. Lord work against my wicked will in spite of the evil that is there. Please bring me out of this world. No matter what, save me from me!”

I am still a little wacky, but I have hope. I hold on to that prayer and the grace God has given me and he holds true to his end of the bargain, he he! Wonderful thing is that I am free now to be that boy.

God Bless You,
Christopher T. Moynihan